he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
