After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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