Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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