I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
