i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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