Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
