I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Randomize
