Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
