i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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