i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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