Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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