there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
