I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize