I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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