I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
