I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
