It's like God shit irony all over that family
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
