I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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