STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
