I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
