i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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