hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize