After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
NoShamevember. You game?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
