I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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