So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
