the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
