thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
