In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
