i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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