I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
