God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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