Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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