I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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