How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
