she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
