I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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