apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
