Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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