You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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