it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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