Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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