kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
