whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
