Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
