where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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