I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
