why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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