At least make sure they are 18
Why
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
