That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
