just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
