I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
there is puke in my bra ... again
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
