you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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