shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
