I'm sorry my penis didn't work
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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