Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Randomize
