good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
