Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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