why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I need a burrito and a hug.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Go christen that room with your naked body.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
