i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
