Where did you get a picture of my penis
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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