I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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