i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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