well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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