Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
