I want to stick my p in your. b.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Randomize
