Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
