Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
