I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
