I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I don't deserve a penis
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I am naked and annoyed.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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