a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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