just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
