I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
