i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
