He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
